Beyond Reason for September 7, 1999

Beyond Reason, September 7, 1999
Paul Revere High School, Boston, Mass.

Last Week: A champion in stature, if not status, conquers an invading foe, while the UWC World Champion recovers. The hottest man in wrestling gets hotter with a win, propelling him towards greatness. Tonight: Red-hot Axel Reed takes on Marcus Payne for the World Heavyweight Title.

It’s been building for weeks. The self-proclaimed hardcore icon will not be held back, and he gets his chance in the streets with the man who went let him be himself. Out of the woods and into the Shanoski’s world, Foster doesn’t have a chance … Boston Street Fight, I Quit rules. Sean Shanoski versus Chad Foster.

A madman powerbombs everyone, including a young lady. This week, it’s time for revenge. Whiplash takes on JD Freeman.

They’ve waged war before, but the clash moves to the UWC. Mecca takes on Gabriel Ragnarok.

It’s been a war of words, but now it will be a war of armbars and hammerlocks as two of the best technical wrestlers collide. The Professor Eric Miles takes on Wyatt Wallace.

David Briceland makes his debut against Luni.

Fang makes his debut against Magnificent Brett Mondonno.

BR: AND WE ARE LIVE!! Welcome everybody to Paul Revere and … oh my God! Foster is here! He’s in the ring!

Chad Foster: Let’s cut the crap. Shanoski, I’ve been in the woods for a week and I don’t like it. Let’s do this right now and I’ll make you wish you were stuck in the woods!

BR: You don’t have to ask Shanoski twice … here he comes! Foster runs out to meet him in the aisle and here we go! It’s a wild brawl!

RR: This is totally unexpected … I thought that they would be the second to last match!

BR: I guess not … look out … Foster right into the door there …

RR: They’re going outside … What? We don’t have cameras ready? Dammit! Get them there … oh … well, while they’re trying to sort that out, let’s go to the ring!

Eric Lee v. Pyro

BR: Well, we’ve got a newcomer here in Pyro and Eric Lee intent on making a dent somewhere in the title scene.

RR: I wonder what personality Lee will be bringing to the ring with him …

BR: Well, here comes Pyro and he does look a little weird … maybe he does deserve to be locked up.

RR: Who knows … he does look a little strange … we’ll see if he can back it up in the ring.

BR: And it’s “Keep Away” by Godsmack as Eric Lee hits the ring … He’s accompanied by Ashe … and he’s like almost just a bigger version of Eric Lee! Crazy.

RR: Does that make Eric Lee Mini-Me?

BR: Don’t go there, Rich …

RR: Okay … Hold on … what’s that?!

BR: It’s Ragnarok’s theme … Here comes the big man …

RR: What’s he doing here? He’s got a mic!

Gabriel Ragnarok: Ashehole, I’m sick of seeing you haul around your carcass stinking up too many feds. I’m going to clean the UWC of your stench. Next week, at the FleetCenter, I proprose this … Ashe v. Ragnarok, Loser Leaves Town. Accept it, and you have a fighting chance. Don’t accept it, and I just might kill you … again.

RR: Heavy stuff there from Ragnarok …

BR: Ashe looks pissed but Pyro attacks from behind! Ashe is dumped and Pyro is all over Eric Lee in the corner … here’s a whip and a charge … Lee with a back elbow! He springs to the top … Moonsault Press! For the quick win:

1!
2!
Pyro is out!

RR: Incredible high flying move from Lee.

BR: Pyro with a wild lariat that misses and Lee responds a spinning heel kick! Pyro is down and Lee bounces off the ropes and drops a quick leg drop that stuns Pyro. Lee back up to the top … Big Splash attempt but Pyro moves! Lee is hurt.

RR: That was a tough miss there. Pyro is headed to the top rope now … it could be the Flaming Elbow!

BR: He leaps and he connects! Big Flaming Elbow from the top rope! That’s one of Pyro’s trademark moves …For the win:

1!
2!

Eric Lee is up!

RR: But it looks like Pyro is just going to put him in the Third Degree Burn! It’s a Falcon Arrow, and it’s brutal …

BR: Pyro has him up in the air with a vertical suplex but Lee is struggling … and he wiggles out! He hooks Pyro from behind … Reverse DDT! He drags Pyro to the corner and heads to the top rope.

RR: This could be it … Pyro’s about to be extinguished!

BR: ZERO DEGREES! The 450 splash from Eric Lee! For the cover:

1!
2!
3!

Eric Lee wins in our opening bout!

RR: You can’t have a fire in zero degrees …

BR: Hold on Rich … We finally got a camera out on the streets chasing Shanoski and Foster!

RR: Shanoski and Foster are trading lefts and rights outside the walls of Paul Revere! Look out … Foster right into that Statue of Paul Revere!

BR: Foster’s busted open, and when the Hardcore Icon tastes blood, it makes him feel good in the deepest, darkest part of his heart. He’s a sick human being, but that’s why the fans love him!

RR: Shanoski’s taking Foster out into the street … There are cars coming! He body slams Foster in the middle of the road! Here comes an 18-wheeler! Look out!

BR: Get out of the way Cameraman Bob! LOOK OUT!

RR: Oh dear Lord … what happened?

BR: We’ve got a camera out … no word on Foster or Shanoski’s condition … we’ll get a camera out there as soon as we can to survey the damage … Let’s take a break.

BR: Well, folks, we have no idea what’s going on with Foster and Shanoski … apparently, they’re both okay and we hear that Foster has run away and gotten into the subway system with Shanoski close behind … we’re scrambling to get a camera man with them but we’re having a hard time keeping up. As soon as we catch up to them, we’ll bring it to you. Until then, let’s get to the ring!

JD Freeman v. Whiplash

BR: And here’s “Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit and here comes … Vicious Vicki! She’s okay! I thought we’d never see them again.

RR: You mean, you never thought we’d see her again.

BR: Yeah … that’s what I said.

RR: Um, no, you said we’d never see “them” again … you weren’t referring to her …

BR: Vicki’s got the mic!

Vicki: Hey Bobby, I don't care how much you brown nose; just like your wife, I still won't blow you! Now shut your ass up. Yes fans, the goddess of porn has come back to bring you all to a climax once again! If you will, welcome every woman’s fantasy, the Whip! Whiplash!!

RR: She sure told you.

BR: Shut up. Here comes Whiplash, and he’s going to get back at Freeman for powerbombing his valet.

RR: He looks determined … LOOK OUT BEHIND! Here comes JD Freeman! He’s got a chair with him!

BR: He nails Whiplash in the back! Oh no … Whiplash is crumpled! He picks up Whiplash and he rams him into the post! Get out of the ring Vicki! The ref’s already thrown this one out and awarded a DQ win to Whiplash …

RR: Freeman is all over Whiplash …

BR: Freeman lifts up Whiplash into a gorilla press and throws Whiplash into the ring. Freeman throws Whip into the ropes and Whip bounces off into a big boot. Off the ropes and he drops a leg right across his throat! He’s about ready to put him away … he stuffs Whiplash’s head between his legs … he’s going for the powerbomb … Whiplash just crumples to the mat … that chair shot really must have rattled him …

RR: Hold on! Vicki just got in the ring! LOW BLOW on Freeman! Freeman is shocked!

BR: He turns around and he’s got Vicki by the hair! He’s going to hit her! Whip grabs Freeman’s legs and rolls him up! Vicki goes down as Freeman rolls through and he’s got Whip hooked … he lifts up and drives him down into the ring with the Powerbomb! He maintains contact and lifts him again! And he’s driven down again! Now he’s turning him over … he’s in a modified Texas Cloverleaf … the powerbomb/cloverleaf combo is known as the Devastator, and Whip is powerless to do anything … Freeman is just wrenching on his back …

RR: Look at Vicki pleading with Freeman … She’s been tossed around twice by this madman … Freeman throws Whiplash’s legs down and stalks over to Vicki!

BR: This has got to stop …

RR: He just steps over Vicki and over the top rope … he’s done his work.

BR: This Monster may be 0-2 in this league, but he’s made an impact. Whip is out, Vicki is terrified and he’s one pissed off dude.

RR: HOLD ON Bobby! Our cameraman Billy has caught up with Shanoski and Foster in Harvard Square!

BR: Harvard Square? How’d they get that far away … and here we go! There’s a lot of people there … and Shanoski is dominating Foster! Oh no … here comes the big whip and Foster goes flying through that window! What is that, a candle store?

RR: That’s where they make candles here … Look out Shanoski has a vat of that hot wax they use to make candles with and he dumps it on Foster! Foster’s skin is being burned alive!

BR: That can’t burn him too bad, but it’s got to be painful! Listen to Foster scream!

RR: Shanoski’s dumps Foster back out of the window … Foster’s turned a shade of yellow from that wax!

BR: Shanoski’s looking for something else to throw Foster into … there’s a little horn section entertaining the crowd and here comes Foster and Shanoski! He throws Foster right at those three kids! Shanoski has the trumpet … Oh the carnage …

RR: Have we seen any offense out of Foster yet?

BR: Not yet at all! Look out … Shanoski with the trombone! This is brutal … he picks up the alto sax … he throws it down in disgust … he wants a better weapon. Wait a sec … don’t take the camera …
RR: Dammit, we lost them again! Get another camera out to Harvard Square! Well, let’s take another break.

Wyatt Wallace versus Eric Miles

BR: Well folks, this one we know is going to be a doozy. Eric Miles comes to us as the most highly-touted technical wrestler we’ve seen in these parts, no offense to the less brash David Briceland. But we’ve got our own brand of technical wrestler here in “the Product of Middle America” Wyatt Wallace.

RR: I think technical may be a bit of a misnomer. He’s solid on the mat, but he’s more likely to take it to the air.

BR: And here he comes, the Professor Eric Miles. He’s wearing a lab coat. If you had a Doctorate in Wrestling, wouldn’t you be wearing, you know, like a singlet and earmuffs or something?

RR: I don’t know, but if he knows his stuff, this could be a wild one. And here comes Wyatt Wallace and the lovely and insignificant Lisa!

BR: I don’t know if she’s insignificant …

RR: Let’s get this party started …

BR: Wallace and Miles circle each other … each putting feelers out there … test of strength perhaps … maybe not … Miles goes for a single-leg … blocked nicely by Wallace … back to a neutral position.

RR: We might be doing this all night …

BR: Here we go … collar-and-elbow tieup, arm drag by the Professor! Wallace is down!

RR: I don’t think Wallace expected that.

BR: Here we go again … armdrag again by Miles!

RR: You can see the frustration mounting in Wallace.

BR: Collar-and-elbow and here’s another armdrag by Miles! Wallace pops up and kicks Miles in the gut! He grabs the hair and he BLINDED HIM WITH SCIENCE!

RR: That’s his move!

BR: but Miles rolls out of the ring wisely …

RR: But given Miles penchant for flying … is it a good idea?

BR: Wallace gets a running start baseball slide dropkick but Miles is out of the way … SUPER KICK! Wallace goes down on the floor like a shot!

RR: Wow. Two premiere moves in a row from both of our competitors … we knew this would be a good match but we couldn’t have expected this right off the bat!

BR: Miles rolls Wallace in and here’s a body slam in the center of the ring. Off the ropes and here’s an elbow drop that finds the mark. For the cover:

1!
2!
Wallace kicks out!

RR: Did you notice the half-nelson and the hook of the leg for a textbook cover? The Professor knows his stuff.

BR: here’s a whip into the ropes … tilt-a-whirl … no! Wallace reverses into a flying headscissors! Miles is up first and here’s a lariat to take Wallace back down.

RR: Miles really does know his stuff. Did you see how he rolled perfectly to his feet after being taken off of them?

BR: Miles hooks on a front face lock and here comes a hanging vertical suplex … look at that form …

RR: He’s making Wallace think about it … he’s way up there …

BR: He’s still making Wallace think about it … my word … What strength!

RR: Wallace must be disoriented by now … how much longer is he going to be up there?!

BR: Miles is … and down goes Wallace in the delayed hanging vertical suplex! Miles is maintaining contact! SNAP SUPLEX! Floatover into a pin:

1!
2!
3
Wallace kicks out!

RR: What a series of moves there by Eric Miles … that was something else. He’s content now to slap on a reverse chinlock to not let Wallace get any wind back and rest himself.

BR: He lifts Wallace up and here’s a snap mare take over and he puts on the figure four headscissors.

RR: Good chain wrestling by Miles.

BR: Yeah, he’s keeping Wallace grounded for the time being … Hold on … Wallace is reversing by turning Miles over … and he’s out! He slides forward and gets a side headlock! Which Miles immediately reverses into a hammerlock!

RR: I don’t think Wallace can compete with Miles on the mat.

BR: Wallace is getting to his feet … Miles is trying for a crossface but he can’t get to connect his hands … and OH! Trick knee from Wallace and Miles goes down …

RR: That’s one reversal Miles couldn’t have prepared for!

BR: Wallace off the ropes and he nails a seated dropkick on Miles that takes Miles out of the ring … He’s stunned and Wallace is headed to the top … CORKSCREW MOONSAULT FROM THE TOP TO THE FLOOR!

RR: Insane.

BR: Wallace is up first and he rolls the Professor in … Wallace up to the top rope again … flying clothesline is turned into an ARMDRAG! Wallace bounces across the ring! Wallace is up but dazed and Miles is on him … he hooks him … Side Russian legsweep and down! He holds onto the legs and he’s got him hooked for a Texas Cloverleaf! Can he turn him over … He does! Wallace is in pain!

RR: But Miles’ ring positioning isn’t the greatest … Wallace isn’t too far from the ropes … this may be Miles’ first mistake of the match!

BR: But Wallace is hurt … he’s reaching … he’s reaching … he’s not going to make it …

The ref raises his arm and it falls … ONCE.

The ref raises his arm and it falls … TWICE.

The ref raises his arm and it falls … no it doesn’t! Wallace is still in it!

RR: Incredible!

BR: Wallace reaches and … and … he makes it! Miles must break the hold!

RR: But Wallace can’t have anything left …

BR: Miles is setting up Wallace for the Prof. Positive, his swinging Ace Crusher. He’s got Wallace ready for a reverse DDT almost, but he’ll swing it up and around into a Stunner-type move. He’s got him set, but Wallace gets a knee up to Miles’ face! He rushes forward and runs up the turnbuckle and lands on his feet! Reverse vertical suplex? NO! He drops him butt-first onto the corner! Miles is in the TREE OF WOE!

RR: Miles hit pretty hard!

BR: Wallace with some kicks to the exposed rib cage of Miles and … here’s a baseball slide dropkick that takes Miles’ head off! Miles is down!

RR: Wallace is heading to the top! Miles hasn’t moved …

BR: 450 SPLASH! Wallace has him!

1!
2!
3
Miles kicked out!

RR: OH MY GOD!

BR: Wallace picks up Miles … he’s going to Blind Him With Science again! NO! Double leg by Miles … catapult into the corner! Wallace stumbles out and Miles hooks him … PROF. POSITIVE! The Swinging Ace Crusher and Wallace is out cold!

RR: OH MY GOD!

BR: But Miles is out of it too! He can’t make the cover!

The ref lays down the mandatory ten count …

1!

2!

3!

4!

5!

6!

7!

8!

9!

Miles gets his arm across Wallace:

1!
2!
3
WALLACE KICKS OUT!

RR: OH MY GOD!

BR: Miles picks up Wallace, who can barely stand … he’s got him hooked and up for a vertical suplex … Wallace escapes and slides down the back for a sunset flip!

1!
2!
3
Miles rolls forward! Wallace’s shoulders are down!

1!
2!
3
Wallace bridges up and turns it around and he’s got Miles hooked … LIGERBOMB!

1!
2!
3!

HE GOT HIM! Wyatt Wallace wins in a classic! WOW!

RR: Take this home and study it because technical wrestling really doesn’t get better than this.

BR: Great win for Wyatt Wallace, but let’s not discount the effort here by Eric Miles … he’s going to be a great one too.

RR: No word on Shanoski and Foster, so I guess we’ll go right into our next match.

Briceland versus Luni

BR: Hey … remember that Bow Wow Wow song, “I want Candy”? I think they ought to just go ahead and name it Luni’s theme.
RR: Really. After seeing the measured and controlled high flying of Wyatt Wallace, we’re going to be treated to the insane and out-of-control flying of the Lunatic Ace Custis!

BR: And here comes the Luni one, and who knows what he’ll break out and do this time.

RR: This guy really lives up to his name … he is a maniac.

BR: And here comes the focused one … David Briceland.

RR: There are no frills about this guy, no fancy anything. This is a consummate wrestler. Very similar to Eric Miles, actually, but not he doesn’t fall into braggadocio like the Professor. He’ll twist you in knots and throw you in ways you wouldn’t expect. He’s good.

BR: I know … you’ve spent time at his dojo so you know just how good this guy is … well … let’s ring the bell and get to the action. Look at the seriousness on Briceland’s face. He’s all business in that ring.

RR: You can’t necessarily say that about Luni … look at the smirk on his face … and here he comes!

BR: A wild dropkick gets nothing but turnbuckle as Briceland gets out of the way! And he’s on him like a panther as he corners Luni and lets loose a barrage of open handed slaps and knees! He’s really taking it to him! He pulls him out of the corner and here’s a rolling elbow smash that floors Luni!

RR: Wicked stuff from Briceland!

BR: He picks him up … he has him hooked with a waist lock and here’s a German Suplex backwards! Luni was almost dumped on his head!

RR: At least we know it’ll do the least amount of damage there!

BR: Briceland picks up the limp Luni and whips him into the ropes but Luni collapses on the way over … that suplex must have taken a lot out of him.

RR: Briceland over to pick Luni up but Luni pulls the tights and shoots Briceland to the floor! Look out … Luni’s going to fly!

BR: Springboard to the top, he turns and MOONSAULTS TO THE FLOOR! Both Luni and Briceland collide into the safety rail, Briceland inside the rail and Luni now in the crowd!

RR: Briceland is hurt … he didn’t expect that …

BR: He’s starting to get up though … look out for Luni though! Luni with a running start hops on a chair and flies over the safety rail with a shoulder block that sends Briceland into the steps! What impact!

RR: Luni is completely insane!

BR: Luni sends Brice back into the ring and scales the top rope … GUILLOTINE LEG DROP! For the cover:

1!
2!
Briceland is up!

RR: Wow. What intestinal fortitude!

BR: Luni dumps Briceland to the outside again. He’s … going out to the apron on the other side?

RR: What is he doing … Briceland is starting to get up on the other side of the ring from Luni on the outside …

BR: Luni springboards to the top rope and hops to the adjacent rope! TWO STEPS AND HE FLIES … WHAT HEIGHT!!! BUT BRICELAND MOVES! CRASH AND BURN!

RR: OH MY GOD!

BR: Luni with a spectacular move … I don’t even know what to call it … but he missed and he missed badly and he landed ribs first on the safety rail on the floor. Luni is trying to stand and Briceland just rolls him in the ring. This match is over folks. Briceland for the cover:

1!
2!
3
Luni kicks out?!

RR: OH MY GOD! After that missed spot? He’s got to have some sort of injury.

BR: Briceland hooks both arms behind Luni’s back and here’s a bridged Tiger Suplex:

1!
2!
3!

Briceland wins, but give credit to Luni for innovating a new move and surviving it.

RR: there’s no doubt about that.

BR: Alright … apparently now Sean Shanoski and Chad Foster are on the campus of MIT!

RR: Where are they? They’re in some building … and Shanoski rams Foster right into that door! Shanoski turns on the lights and we are in a classroom! Shanoski picks Foster up and slams him down on a desk!

BR: Shanoski is just mauling Foster! He picks him up and he rams him right into the chalkboard! How can Foster stand?

RR: Shanoski’s not done … he throws him back into the hallway! They’re headed toward some stairs … oh god … how did they get on the second floor?

BR: Shanoski rams Foster into the wall again! He’s getting ready with Foster again and he whips him right into the cameraman! OH NO! Foster and the cameraman both fall down the stairs! We’ve lost the feed again!

RR: This is absolutely insane! Let’s take another break.

Fang versus Mondonno

RR: And apparently, Dirk Ryan wants a little piece of the announcers table, because not only has he come down to ringside, unannounced, but he's also kicked Bobby out. Welcome to Beyond Reason Dirk.

DR: Hey Dick, this is pretty much my show. I'll do whatever the hell I want. It’s almost a shame Foster had to come back, I had some big plans.

RR: Dirk, please call me Richard. It’s much more professional.

DR: Come on, it can be the Dirk and Dick show. You of course will be playing the part of the dick.

RR: Hahaha, lets all have a fun joke at Richard's expense. We do have a match to call, you realize that don't you, this job isn't all fun and games.

DR: It should be if your name is Dick. But you're right, I'm out to call a match. Lets bring out our contestants, shall we? I do believe Fang gets the call first.

RR: Yeah, I've heard a lot of good things about him, but he's not on Foster's good list right now. I guess he left him high and dry last week.

DR: Eh, I've seen him wrestle in an old federation, the guy can kick some serious ass. And as far as Foster goes....fuck 'im.

RR: And where is Fang? His music is playing … but … oh here he comes, he has to have his wife Violet show him the way.

DR: And wrestling him will be a man notorious for his wrestling skills, Mike Mondonno.

RR: You didn't research this match at all. You know nothing about BRETT Mondonno,
do you?

DR: I know if he didn't bring his A game, he's gonna have his ass handed to him. At least he's got a chick leading him down. Of course, she's no Melissa. But then, nobody on this earth compares to Melissa.

RR: And the bell rings and we're off. The men do a little circle around each other, waiting for the other guy to make the first move.

DR: Nice calling Dick, why don't you sit over there for a while. A tie-up by the two gentlemen in the ring.....still tied up looking for the all important advantage. Fang comes out the winner there, taking Mondonno into a headlock.

RR: Dirk, please call me Richard. Oh wow, Fang is really twisting that headlock, Mondonno's head looks like its going to pop right off. Mondonno gets a small running start and hits one of the ropes. He is able to push Fang off to the other side. Fang comes running back....He leaps at Mondonno, but is caught in mid air.

DR: Isn't it a bit early to be trying those high risk maneuvers? I mean, its not like he's going to be stunned or anything?

RR: And while Dirk was giving us all some wonderful wisdom, Mondonno slams Fang down on his knee. That had to hurt.

DR: Dick, you're just asking for an asskicking. Fang rolls around on the ground for a second, but he's bouncing back up. He's a tough guy, he's not going down that easy.

RR: A slap to the face by Mondonno. My god, he just slapped Fang. How humiliating.

DR: Yeah, but look at Fang, he's just standing there, looking at Mondonno. The slap didn't effect him at all. Trust me, you cannot play mind games with this guy.

RR: Mondonno slaps him again, and Fang just wipes the side of his face. I think Mondonno is a little undone by the fact that he isn't winning the mental war here.

DR: But a kick to the gut by Mondonno doubles Fang over. He should have struck back. Mind games won't win the match alone. Unless of course, its me playing the mind games. Mondonno with some backhand slaps to Fang's chest sends him into a corner.

RR: Dirk, do you think anyone has a bigger ego than you?

DR: If you only knew. Fang, by the way, has switched places with Mondonno and he is now the one slapping. He grabs Mondonno and whips him into the opposite corner. Mondonno hits with a thud and comes wobbling back out of the corner....and Fang nails him with a flying clothesline. Damn, he really connected.

RR: No kidding, I though Mondonno's head was going to fly off. Good lord. Fang isn't done yet. He's climbing to the top rope here....

DR: And he just sits there. FANG, JUMP!!! HIT HIM WHEN HE'S DOWN!!! Stupid
bastard is going to let Mondonno get ready for him. You can't waste time like this.

RR: BANG!! Fang just hit missile drop-kick from the top rope. Mondonno goes flying out to the floor. Whitney is running over to console him. He looks really shook up.

DR: I don't think Fang is done here. He's climbing to the top rope again. The showoff is going to either get himself killed or end this match quickly.

RR: Mondonno better realize where's he's at and soon. Whitney also doesn't appear to see Fang climbing the rope. This could get ugly.

DR: Dick, why do you always make interesting stuff like this match sound so cliche?

RR: He's there....A CORKSCREW PLANCHA!!! And he didn't touch Whitney. What
aim. Fang just took off and even though Whitney was in contact with Mondonno, Fang didn't even touch her. What a nice guy.

DR: Yeah, but he sure as hell got Mondonno. That guy might not wake up until next week.

RR: Good point Dirk, but it looks like Fang may have caught a bit of it himself. In his attempt to miss Whitney he may have missed his mark by just a touch. He appears to be holding his left leg.

DR: He's a tough guy. Just roll Mikey in there and pin him. He's taken a severe beating in this short time.

RR: Not going to be that easy. Both men struggle to their feet. BRETT Mondonno is obviously the more shook up of the two, but Fang also seems to be a bit hesitant.

DR: Mondonno must smell blood in the water. He just side swiped Fang's left knee, sending him crashing to the ground. And he's not wasting any time. He grabs Fang by the hair and pulls him up. He's got Fang running toward the ring post...

RR: Fang reverses it, Mondonno gets tossed into the ringpost. Good God, Mondonno is taking his share of tough hits tonight, isn't he?

DR: Sure is Dick, and this one is going to smart just as much as the rest of them. Fang rolls Mondonno back into the ring. And again, Fang feels it necessary to climb to that damn top rope again. I'm not even sure how much he's used the top rope before tonight, but he's getting well aquatinted with it this match.

RR: And once again, he's waiting for Mondonno to get to his feet.....Mondonno is up, he is turning around...Fang leaps....

DR: He's going for the Hurracanranna from the top rope.....Mondonno catches him. Fang has his legs wrapped around Mondonno's neck and is pounding on his head...

RR: Jesus Harold Christ...Mondonno just powerbombed Fang. Both men are down once again.

DR: Fang went to the well one to many times and it really cost him. If Mondonno was in any shape to make a cover, the match could be over. Unfortunately, Mondonno has been beaten on worse tonight than the Kansas City Royals, and he also isn't moving.

RR: And since both men are down and out right now, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind Dirk that he's a guest here, and should treat me with respect.

DR: And since nobody really gives a rat's ass what Dick thinks, I'm going to go back to calling the match. Both men, very slowly get back to their feet. Man, we've seen some wild action already here tonight, haven't we Dick.

RR: I refuse to comment until you refer to me with my professional name.

DR: Ok, because Dick has decided to act like a little child, I'll be calling the rest of the match. Fang regains momentum first and sends Mondonno into the opposite ropes. Fang sets up for a back body drop, but is showing his hand way to early...Mondonno has plenty of time to kick Fang right in the face. Damn, that looks like it hurts, eh Dick?

RR: I don't know Dirk, what do you think.

DR: What a little bitch. Anyway, Mondonno snaps Fang over with a suplex, and
it looks like we have a cover...

1!........

2!....Kickout at two.

RR: Wow, that was closer than I was expecting. But Mondonno wastes no time in picking Fang up. Throwing him to the opposite rope and picks him up over his head...

DR: A gorilla press slam perhaps??? NO, Fang drops out of it, goes to a knee, and shoves Mondonno into the ropes...

RR: BREAKING POINT!!!! Mondonno's back sounds like it just snapped in two.

DR: Fang lays on Mondonno, this should be elementary.

1!

2!

3!!!!

DR: And there it is folks, Fang pulls out the victory. I don't know about you Dick, but that finisher seemed to come from no where. It was as if Fang was toying with him and had gotten tired of it.

RR: Mondonno put up a heck of a fight, but Fang just happened to be the better man tonight. And please, pretty please with cream on top, leave me alone.

DR: No chance Dick. Well, Fang is making his way to the back as Whitney is in the ring helping Mondonno to his feet. And I think I'-

RR: Hold on a second, someone is sprinting down to ringside....ITS FREEMAN!!!

DR: Holy ThunderRider, Freeman is here, and he looks like he's pissed. He just shoved Whitney away and has picked up Mondonno...

RR: HE JUST POWERBOMBED MONDONNO!!! What an asshole. Mondonno just got
powerbombed....oh no, he's pointing at Whitney. He wouldn't dare, would he?

DR: I'm pretty sure he dared last week. He's got her by the hair. And it looks like she's going for the ride....

RR: WAIT, FANG IS BACK!!! He just nailed Freeman in the back of the knee with
a chopblock. He's saved Whitney for the moment.

DR: And just like that, Fang has tossed him from the ring. And the day is saved. Freeman is standing at ringside glaring at Fang. Mondonno is still out on the mat. Whitney is hiding behind Fang, and we've got to go to a commercial. I'll see you later folks..

Ragnarok versus Mecca

BR: This is a grudge match of epic proportions. These two have fought under different names, different lives, and different eras. Or so we’ve been able to gather. To tell the truth, I really have no idea what either of these guys ever say. But we know that they don’t like each other, and when they fought most recently in XPW, Ragnarok fell and lost the XPW World Heavyweight Title.

RR: This will be an exciting match up. And well, here comes Gabriel Ragnarok to a decent ovation. He’s been out of action because of that sword-swallowing incident …

BR: Doesn’t his sword have a name too? I don’t know …

RR: Well, whatever the name, He's a talented performer without it. Remember how he took Axel Reed to the limit in the PPV for the US title.

BR: I do ... that was a fantastic match.

BR: Well, here comes Mecca, and he looks equally as focused as Ragnarok. They are staring an mile right through each other. And here’s the lockup! No doing and they both back off … Again! And again they throw each other off.

RR: It’s like two mastodons hooking horns!

BR: Ragnarok with a kick to the gut. Big Elbow to the back of the head. Here’s the whip and Mecca ducks a big boot. He hooks Ragnarok and here’s a side Russian Legsweep down!

RR: Impressive.

BR: Ragnarok is down and Mecca is just pouring on with elbow drops! Another! Another! Another! Mecca up and here’s a standing legdrop that decapitates Ragnarok! For the cover:

1!
2!
Ragnarok is up.

RR: Look to the entranceway … it’s Marcus Payne and Shane Erikson … they’ve got signs! “Let’s Mecca Deal!” “Wyatt Wallace is Awesome!” “Ragnarok is Grrrrreat!”

BR: It’s distracting Mecca a bit right now … he turns around and here’s a two-handed chokeslam for Mecca! Ragnarok for the cover:

1!
2!

Mecca’s out. Ragnarok hooks a waistlock and he lifts Mecca up in a gutwrench powerbomb and drops him.

RR: Impressive show of strength there.

BR: Ragnarok lifts Mecca but Mecca fights back with shots to the gut and here’s a rake to the eyes. Mecca bounces Ragnarok off the ropes and catches Raggy with a kick to the gut, followed by a kick to the back of the leg that takes him down to one knee, now a right to the face, a left, and now a Mafia kick and Ragnarok is down … that was real stiff!

RR: That mafia kick looked brutal! Who’s coming out of the crowd? It’s LUNI!

BR: Luni is climbing up to the top rope but Mecca sees him! He hits the ropes and Luni is crotched on the top! Mecca backs up and here’s another Mafia kick to Luni and Luni crashes to the floor …

RR: But Ragnarok is back up! He hooks Mecca from behind and he lifts him up into the air with a backdrop suplex!

BR: Mecca landed real hard! He lifts Mecca and he puts him on the top rope … He’s going for the Lucifuge!

RR: Luni’s back up! He’s in the ring and he charges Ragnarok! Ragnarok back body drops Luni up and out of the ring!

BR: They’re taking turns dodging Luni! Mecca rakes the eyes of Ragnarok … he’s got him hooked … TORNADO DDT! By Mecca! Wow! He goes for the cover but the ref is distracted by Luni! Mecca goes over and grabs Luni by the hair! He shoves the ref aside and Luni throws some white powder into Mecca’s eyes! Mecca staggers back and walks right into Ragnarok! Ragnarok hooks him … LUCIFUGE! For the cover:

1!
2!
3!

Ragnarok wins!

RR: What the hell was Luni doing trying to get at both of them like that … get him out of here!

BR: Hold on … another cameraman has caught up to Shanoski and Foster! They’re brawling on the subway and they are headed back here!

RR: That’s completely mad! Foster is getting destroyed! I bet he wishes he was still in the woods!

BR: Shanoski is ramming Foster’s face into all the windows! Shanoski is mopping the floor with Foster’s face! Foster is a bloody mess …

RR: Shanoski is looking for something for something to smack Foster with, but there’s nothing around but very shocked people!

BR: The subway is stopping and the doors are opening! Shanoski throws Foster right out! They’re in the station and … my God … they’re at the Brookline station! They’re a hop, skip and a jump to Paul Revere!

RR: Shanoski throws Foster right through a DKNY ad! That was Whitney on that ad! And Shanoski picks Foster up and whips him right over a few benches!

BR: What’s Shanoski doing? He grabs Foster … he’s going to whip him into the open track of the subway! That’ll kill him!

RR: The cameraman is doing the right thing here by not letting Shanoski do that. As much as we all enjoy Chad getting beat up, he doesn’t deserve to die.

BR: That pissed off Shanoski! Shanoski just decked the cameraman! We’ve lost the feed again!

RR: This is starting to make me mad! Let’s take another break and as soon as we can get another camera on them, we’ll get it.

Jarred Matthews versus Tommy Kain

BR: Well, next up is our captain’s match … Jarred Matthews of the World Tag Team champions takes on “Too Cool” Tommy Kain. We’d like to welcome the partners of these two men to do color commentary … so without further adieu, here comes Jamal Jameson and Damon Damani.

RR: And here comes the Future Shock … but where’s Jameson? He didn’t walk out on Matthews, did he?

BR: Hi Damon, welcome. Have a seat.

DD: Glad to be here. Where’s that punkass partner of Matthews’?

BR: We’re not sure, but let’s go to the ring and welcome Tommy Kain!

RR: And here comes the Cool One, and he slides into the ring … he’s got his fans.

DD: Take a look at Tommy Kain there. He's a great partner. He's Mr. Cool around the ring, but he's all business when he steps inside.

BR: And here comes one half of the Tag Team Champions of the World, The Franchise, Jarred Matthews!

RR: And Kain’s on him the minute he gets into the ring! Kain is whipping him with lefts and rights! Here’s a whip into the ropes and he nails Matthews right away with the Tommy Gun! Matthews is grabbing at his throat as Kain measures him and drops a legdrop right across the throat! For the quick win:

1!
2!
Matthews is up.

BR: Matthews starts to fight back but Kain shuts him down with a boot to the gut, a hook and now here’s a Fisherman’s suplex … make it a Fisherman’s Buster! For the cover:

1!
2!
Matthews is up!

RR: Kain is all offense here. Here’s a whip into the ropes and Kain hits a kick to the gut. Off the ropes himself and here’s a bulldog down!

BR: Kain is letting Matthews get to his own feet and he hooks a waistlock … Powerbomb and he rolls through!

1!
2!
3
Matthews is up!

DD: I sort of feel sorry for Jarred. Not only does he have a lame partner in Mr. Jameson, but he also hangs with that jalonie group, The Outlawz. Being around those guys, would make oneself think he is so GrrrrrGreat. Too bad he’s getting his ass beat in right now.

RR: But he’s taking everything Kain is dishing out and still getting up …

BR: Kain signals it’s over … Could it be Party Crasher time? He lifts Matthews up for the DVD but Matthews slides over and nails a reverse DDT!

RR: What a move!

DD: Whatever.

BR: Matthews has Kain in position, Jenny throws in a chair … he’s going to go for the Triple Jump Moonsault! Off the ropes, off Kain, off the chair, off the ropes Moonsault but Kain moves! Matthews lands on his feet but is plowed by a Kain clothesline to the back of the head! What a move!

RR: Kain is really celebrating that one as the ref moves the chair out of the ring … a huge move for Tommy Kain …

BR: Kain is waiting for Matthews to stand up … he’s going to be going for the SOS!

DD: You see the problem with Jarred, is that he thinks he's the "Franchise", but all that doesn't matter when you have to step in the ring and take a look at the "Future" straight in the eyes.

BR: Matthews is up and Kain has him! OOH! Trick knee!

RR: There’s the universal reversal … we’ve seen that a few times tonight.

BR: Matthews whirls and a crescent kick takes Kain off his feet!

RR: Matthews is hurt, no doubt about it, but he’s bought himself some time.

BR: Kain is back to his feet and he lifts Matthews but Matthews sweeps the legs! Off the ropes and he nails the getting up Kain with a flying forearm! Kain is getting up again and a spinning kick takes him down! Matthews Springs to the top rope with a split legged moonsault!

1!
2!
Kain escapes!

DD: Now, if y’all would excuse me …

BR: Damon Damani has left the commentary table and … wait a minute … Richard Speck … He’s pushed Rich Ramirez out of his seat! Rich doesn’t know what to do … Sorry Rich …

RS: Keep your eye on the match … Damani has that chair!

BR: Right Mr. Speck … Here’s the whip but Kain reverses and Matthews goes into the ropes and Damani nails Matthews in the back !

RS: That sounded like a gunshot from so many years before …

BR: Kain lifts Matthews up for the DVD … no! He pushes Kain into the corner! Damani is getting into the ring with the chair! JM-ASSACRE ON DAMANI! Damani is out!

RS: That reminded me of another gunshot from so many years before …

BR: Matthews has the chair but Kain dropkicks it into his face! The ref is going to let it go as inadvertent …

RS: Yeah right.

BR: Matthews is dazed and here’s a pick up … Party Crasher DVD! For the cover:

1!
2!
3!

Tommy Kain wins … but if Jamal Jameson were here, maybe the odds would have been more even.

BR: and as the Revolution leaves the ring, OH MY GOD! Foster and Shanoski are in the crowd! Shanoski just dumped Foster over the railing! He’s getting him in the ring! Foster is a bloody mess! Shanoski stands over him as Foster lays helpless and the crowd is cheering on the hardcore icon in his sadistic state! He calls for it, and he slaps Foster into the STF! The oneway ticket to hell! Foster is screaming! HE QUITS! Ring the bell! Foster quits and Shanoski is the winner!

RS: Well, Foster got what he deserved for not giving me my T-shirt and giving one to that no good Rich Ramirez.

BR: Hold on … Shanoski isn’t done with Foster … he’s got him up on the apron in front of us … he’s not … he’s got Foster up! Look out! AGENT ORANGE THROUGH THE TABLE! Oh no, Foster landed on Richard Speck! Oh god … Shanoski’s not done with Foster! He’s dragging him out back into the crowd! We’ve got a main event to get to, so since this match is over, we’ll let them go … Here comes the security to break them up … Shanoski is attacking all of them! He wants Foster to suffer … they’re out the door and we’ll follow if something crazy happens … how can Foster even stand at this point? We’ll take a break and get Richard Speck back to some medical assistance.

Payne versus Reed

BR: Well, we’ve got Rich Ramirez back and it’s time for our main event … what? There’s something going on in the back?

RR: It’s Jamal Jameson and Jarred Matthews!

JM: Where were you? I was getting double-teamed out there and you don’t even care? We’re the tag champs! I know I have to carry your sorry ass but dammit, I need someone to watch my back!

JJ: Fuck you. Fuck your conceited ass and fuck these tag titles … I’m out of here …

BR: OH! Matthews just nailed Jameson from behind with the tag belt! He sits Jameson down on a chair … JM-ASSACRE with the tag belt! Jameson is a bloody mess …

RR: I think we just saw the tag team champs self-destruct. It’s sad really …

BR: Well, let’s get to our main event!

RR: Wait a minute … that’s “Ain’t it Fun” … that’s Shane Erikson’s music! Here comes the Showstopper, the Equalizer, the man with the title shot next week!

BR: Things get more interesting by the minute here in the UWC. Welcome to the announce table, Shane.

Shane: Its great to be allowed at ringside to do some color commentary. Yeah right . .. you know that it's your pleasure.

BR: I guess it is.

RR: Well let’s bring out the challenger … the UWC US Champion, Axel Reed!

BR: He looks great, although it’s been reported that he had the flu all week.

RR: but he looks like one mean mother-

Shane: Shut your mouth!

BR: And here comes the UWC World Champion, the one and only Marcus Payne!

RR: The crowd loves Marcus Payne … almost as much as they love you Shane.

Shane: I will have my opportunity next week to get my belt back. Yeah, I'm not happy
that I have to fight Payne again. But Axel isn't going to win this match. But I want my title back. And I will do whatever needs to be done to be the UWC World Champion again.

BR: Look out! Reed is all over Payne to start the match! He’s going right after the shoulder! Clubbing blows on the shoulder that was injured at the UWC World Title Tournament several weeks ago. It’s looked fine recently, but if an attack is focused on it, I don’t see how it can withstand it!

RR: Payne is crumpling beneath this attack, and here’s a whip into the ropes and Reed bends down for a back body drop! Kick to the jaw! Kick to the gut! One more to the chest to stand him up and here’s a springboard and a twist into the Thorazine Shuffle Somersault Neckbreaker!

BR: What a move! He’s letting Reed get to his feet and here’s a spinning neckbreaker to take him down again!

RR: Reed takes to the floor after that … that was a great onslaught of offense from the World Champion.

BR: Is Payne going to follow? Reed grabs Payne’s legs and drags him to the floor! He’s hammering him with lefts and rights! He whips Payne into the guard rail and he hits hard … here’s running clothesline and he puts Payne into the crowd!

RR: Reed is no slouch at all. Reed’s recovering a bit … he took a beating inside the ring …

BR: Payne’s on his feet and Reed rakes the eyes. He pulls Payne back over the rail and puts him in a hammerlock and he rams him shoulder first into the ring post! That’s how he originally injured it so many weeks ago! Reed is going to do it again!

RR: Oh, if that shoulder isn’t properly healed yet, it could be hurt real bad!

BR: Reed throws Payne back into the ring and he’s measuring him … Single arm DDT!

RR: That’ll separate a shoulder …

BR: Reed is all over him like a cheap suit! He’s just kicking and stomping and punching and trying to hurt that shoulder more …

RR: You know he’s just setting up the Straightjacket … it might separate Payne’s Shoulder again if he gets it …

BR: Payne’s starting to fight back … here’s a punch to the gut … and another … but Reed rakes the eyes. He bounces off of the ropes and Payne has him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! That hurt Payne’s shoulder though.

RR: Nice come back … this is a good match!

Shane: After the match I just put on with Payne last week, you just can't compare this
match. I mean Axel is good, but he is no Showstopper.

BR: Payne lifts Reed up … he’s going to go for a Michinoku Driver … the Payne Driver ‘99! But Reed rolls through … kick to the gut! DESTRUCTION DRIVER! We could have a new champion!

RR: What are you doing Shane … he’s … holding up a sign … it says, “Just give me by belt back.”

BR: Reed isn’t too happy about this … he’s jawing with Erikson now!

Shane: lay down already. Let Payne win so I can beat him next week.

BR: Reed is incensed! Payne from behind with a roll up!

1!
2!
Reed kicks out and kicks Payne right back down again. He’s staring you down, Shane …

Shane: I’m so scared.

BR: Reed’s calling for it … the Straightjacket! Armbar takedown … Wait … Payne with a drop toe hold out of that and he’s got his own version of the Straightjacket on Reed! Reed is in trouble!

RR: But Reed isn’t too far from the ropes … he got it!

BR: Payne has to release the hold … he lifts Reed up but Reed with a quick jawbreaker! Payne holds his jaw and is easy prey to be lifted up and cradled … CRADLE DDT!

RR: WOW! We may have a new champion!

BR: For the win:

1!
2!
3
Payne kicks out!

RR: Oh for the love of GOD! I thought we had a new champion!

BR: So did Reed … He’s got Payne up in a back drop and he puts him on the top rope, back facing the ring … He’s going for the Straight to Hell, the Top Rope Reverse DDT! IF he hits it … it’s over!

RR: Reed follows …

BR: Payne fights back! He backflips out from the turnbuckle and lands behind Reed on the second rope! He grabs him in an almost torture rack hold … he swings him down with an INVERTED DEATH VALLEY BOMB! What a move! For the cover:

1!
2!
3!

Marcus Payne wins! He retains the World Title!

RR: Remember, the US title was not up for grabs in this match.

BR: Well Shane, good luck in your world title match for next week.

Shane: Thank you.

RR: And it appears that we....

BR: Oh jeez, that's More Human Than Human kicking up and Dirk Ryan is at the entrance way. He looks like he's coming down to ringside.

RR: Oh son of a bitch, I hope he comes over here, I'll give him a good kick in the ass.

BR: Right, fortunately for Dirk I guess, he's getting into the ring. And, just like any other idiot, he has a microphone.

RR: We need to stop giving away mics, this is ridiculous. Say your piece Dirk, lets get this over with.

DR: And again, I am here to send us off. Folks, I realize Foster is still wrestling right now, and that's fine. But I have some comments for him to see when he's done with Shanoski. You see, I did some thinking while he was out in the woods trying to get some. And I came to the realization that Foster can't really do anything to me. I mean, I've set it up so that he can't fire me. There is no way in hell that Foster could ever hurt me. And because he's so socially inept, he would never intimidate me. So basically, I've decided
that I will now take over this federation. Sure, Foster gets to keep his ownership, but I think it would be best if I was the one making all the calls around here. Foster has no one who can stop me. Trust me, I've seen every single wrestler here, and he's got no one who is ever going to give me a challenge. Sorry guys, but not a single one of you are up to my standards. So pretty much, Foster is left with his hands tied.

RR: My god, this guy is really full of himself.

DR: Nobody here can stop me. Nobody has ever gotten the best of Dirk Ryan in his career. And I there is not a single man who I would ever be afraid to take on. Nobody!!!

BR: ...with that, "Tearin' Up My Heart" by N'Sync fires up...the crowd looks
towards the entrance way, as Dirk stops running his mouth, and Chad looks as
well...out comes a man, standing about 6 feet tall, looking about 235 pounds
in weight, sleek black hair, black karate-looking pants on.

RR: You've got to be kidding me.

Guy: Dirk, the FMC thinks you may have just written a check that your scrawny
ass can't cash. DEAN McGRATH IS BACK, BITCH!!

RR: DIRK RYAN LOOKS LIKE HE'S JUST SEEN A GHOST!!!

BR: What’s that? Shanoski and Foster are at Fenway?!

RR: Oh my God! Shanoski is going to try and take Foster into Fenway IN THE MIDDLE OF A RED SOX GAME!

BR: The Red Sox are taking on the Oakland A’s in an important game with Wild Card implications … If they go in there … it’ll cause a national scene!

RR: Shanoski rams Foster into the outside wall of Fenway! They’re going around the corner to the entrance! Keep up with them!

BR: Shanoski just flew out from behind the corner! HE’S OUT! Foster can’t even stand … what happened … OH MY GOD!

RR: IT’S DEAD ED!

BR: DEAD ED IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RR: HE’S STANDING OVER BOTH FOSTER AND SHANOSKI!

BR: We’re out of time! Next week Payne versus Erikson III! IT’S DEAD ED!!!!!!!!

RR: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!