Beyond Reason for September 14, 1999

Beyond Reason: Boston Tea Party
9-14-99

LAST WEEK:
Two champions lock horns, one prevails, but falls to an out-of-ring situation. This week, the former champion takes on the US champion to determine the UWC Heavyweight Champion of the world. Axel Reed fights Shane Erikson for the vacant World Title.

4 men. Different views, different strokes. Wyatt Wallace, the talk of the town. Gabriel Ragnarok, possibly slipping off the deep end of sanity. David Briceland, the focused, consummate wrestler. Fang, the family man with a funny name. What do these four men have in common? They are great wrestlers. The winner, gains the distinction of being the man of destiny with the UWC United States Championship.

Sean Shanoski finally got his hands on Chad Foster after weeks and weeks of goading and cajoling. Beating him wasn’t enough; he wanted to break him. But that is when the darkness took over. After a week of torturing Foster in the woods, Dead Ed arrives to stop Shanoski. Has there been a deal with the devil? Or perhaps to a different God. One thing will be answered tonight, on Shanoski’s hide: WHO IS DEAD ED?

Jamal Jameson walks out on abrasive tag partner Jarred Matthews. Matthews falls to a Revolution Y double team. This week, the titles are on the line. But who will help Matthews? Can he hold off the Revolution on his own?

PLUS:
Eric Miles takes on a returning Billy Bob
Mecca takes on Luni
And a celebrity side attraction!

BR: AND WE ARE LIVE!!!! AND OH MY GOD! THE LIGHTS HAVE JUST GONE OUT … It’s going to happen! It’s going to happen! There’s the funeral dirge … it’s DEAD ED!

RR: This is incredible, Bobby! We’re going to find out for once and for all! Who is it?

BR: Dead Ed is standing in the ring … we don’t know where he came from or what, but he’s here … And here comes Shanoski! He slides into the ring and … the lights go out again?!

RR: Anything can be happening in that ring! Who is Dead Ed? I’ve got my suspicions …

BR: The lights are back, and Shanoski is alone in the ring! Where did Dead Ed go?! Who is he?

RR: I have a feeling that Shanoski may be in for a long night.

BR: I hope that you aren’t right, Rich. The question is: Who is Dead Ed?

RR: We’ve got a healthy host of potential players that could be here to invade the UWC. Could it be Hellkid Johnny Lords? Dead Ed fits his demonic personality! Could it be Vincent Masters, back from injury? Could it all be an elaborate hoax by Chad Foster? Or could it be the K-

BR: Don’t say it Rich … He’s been dead for almost a year now.

RR: A year to this very day!

BR: Really?

RR: Well, no, we’re off by a few weeks, but …

BR: Well folks, tonight promises to be exciting with three potential title matches. Because of the uncertainty of the World and US title matches, at the end of the card we will be handing out the title belts and the awards that were voted on earlier by the wrestlers and execs here at the UWC!

RR: Let’s go to the ring for our first contest!

Billy Bob v. Miles

RR: Oh, what a wonderful surprise, once again, UWC's talent advisor and commissioner has decided that he's an announcer as well. Hello Dirk.

DR: Hey Dick, what's the good word?

RR: My na-

DR: I'm sorry, I don't really care what you're good word is. I'm here to announce a damn match.

RR: Always such a pleasure to have a man with no thoughts for other people's feelings. Lets get to the match. I think first up tonight, we have Billy Bob and The Professor Eric Miles.

DR: Wow, what a freaking barn burner. Nothing like top talent to start the show off.

RR: Come on Dirk, these guys look pretty good to me.

DR: Dick, a $3.00 steak dinner looks pretty good to you. Billy Bob is what we in the "talent advisory" business like to call a "loser". Miles isn't bad though.

RR: Well, because Dirk decided to give his two cents on these guys, Billy Bob has made his way to the ring. The guy seems to be yelling at some fan, that's nice. Always good to see wresters working on fan relations.

DR: I'm pretty sure the fan could take on Billy Bob and put up a decent fight. I'll bet if he wasn't in a wheel chair, he could beat Billy too.

RR: And now making his way down to the ring, is none other than the feared Professor, Eric Miles. I really think Miles has the talent to do well here, he took a very tough loss last week, but he showed a lot of talent and potential.

DR: Uh....what the hell is this, who's sprinting from the back?

RR: Oh my god, a man is sprinting from the back. Who is that? That guy looks kind of familiar....

DR: Son of a bitch, I know that guy. Who invited him here? The talent advisor was not asked about this man.

RR: RAY HAGAN HAS RETURNED!!! He nails Miles from behind. Jesus, he's beating the crap out of him. Miles was totally blind sided, I think he's out.

DR: Well, Ray couldn't couldn't knock anybody out if they knew it was coming.

RR: He's got a chair....He just drove the chair right into the leg of Eric Miles, I think I heard a snap.

DR: I wonder if he'll call that the "Superstar Chair Shot"? It sounds as original as the rest of his stupid moves.

RR: He's got Miles in the Star-Cross Cloverleaf...I really think he's trying to end Eric Miles' career tonight.

DR: See what I mean, stupid "Star" names.

RR: He just rolled Miles into the ring. Miles is out, and I think his leg may be broken. Billy Bob just sort of stares at him for a minute.

DR: Come on you moron. Even an inbred hick should know when to pin a man.

RR: He puts his foot on Miles...

1...

2...

3!!!

RR: Billy Bob has just beaten Eric Miles!!!

DR: Maybe you should repeat that...Billy may not win again for a long time.

RR: Billy Bob is a very good wrestler Dirk, show him some respect.

DR: Christ, he's dancing. What a retard. Hey, moron, you didn't do anything to win the match. "Supernuts" Hagan won it for you. Idiot.

RR: Uh, Hagan has climbed into the ring.....Billy Bob turns around...SUPERKICK!!! And Billy Bob goes down, out cold right on top of Eric Miles.

DR: Superkick, Superstar Cross, Superpunch, Superslam, Superplex...I hate this guy.

RR: And look at that, he's got a microphone. Is a mic a complementary gift with every UWC contract?

Ray Hagan: The Main Event Has Arrived in UWC.

RR: And look at this, Dirk has a mic to respond. How nice.

Dirk Ryan: Hey, Raymond, this is the first match. You've got a long way to go before you're in the main event.

RR: Folks, we need to take a break. Dirk, can you please leave?




RR: Ladies and Gentlemen, he’s every woman’s dream and every man’s sick, homosexual fantasy, Magnificent Brett Mondonno!

BR: And here comes the Magnificent one, and I’m not sure if that’s the best intro for him, but here’s the man with a few words he’s got to get off his chest. And he smacks the Night Stalker for that insolent introduction … I guess it serves him right … it’ll make Richard Speck happy … Where’s Whitney? Don’t tell me she’s turning into a question, too! Let’s hear what he’s got to say.

"Magnificent" Brett Mondonno: First of all, JD Freeman, you had better pray to god that you never get out of jail because after what you have done to the women of the UWC, I am going to rip you limb from limb.

Crowd: YEAH!

MBM: Now, for the main reason I am out here. I have something to say to the “Showstopper" Shane Erikson. Listen you arrogant prick, you can go around and walk and talk like you are cool and you are the best all you want. The fact of the matter is, you were a paper champion as the World Champion. You, in reality, couldn't handle ANY belt you have ever received. Especially the World Title.

BR: The crowd is shocked.

MBM: You can degrade my name all you want. Then you say I sink to lows. I don't sink to lows; I speak by the facts. And the fact of the matter is that you are a Sean Waltman wannabe. Shane, you don't have any talent. Me, I have plenty. I don't care about win and loss records. I care about talent, something you have little of. And Shane, you are not even good at being cocky, and arrogant. I am the best at what I do, being an arrogant asshole. But you know what, you are the true asshole. That is why I am proposing a challenge to you, Shane. If you win or lose the title match tonight, I want to have a match with you next week. I want to shut you the hell up for once and for all. And I am going to do it!

BR: Definitely a mixed reaction from the crowd, but when was the last time we saw that amount of conviction from Mondonno?

RR: Look out, it’s Erikson from the back … he looks pissed off … Wait … there’s Whitney! She’s trying to convince Erikson not to go out there … Security is here to prevent this … Who’s that? It’s Reed! Reed with a shot to the back of Erikson! I think he’s trying to send a message to the man who would be champion!

BR: Are Mondonno and Reed working together? Or is it all coincidence?

RR: That shot from Reed is going to do nothing but infuriate Erikson. Was it a wise thing to do?

BR: Who knows … Erikson is enraged, however. Mondonno and Whitney have made their exit, and who knows what to expect next …

Pedro v. Cam v. Antoine v. Drew

BR: It’s time for our Celebrity Death Match … This is a special for all the fans here in Boston … Let’s go to Dan Gilbert in the ring for the ring announcements of Boston’s favorite sons.

DG: Ladies and Gentlemen, are you ready to welcome your favorite sons? Are you ready for four of the greatest athletes in Boston to do battle in a wrestling ring? It’s time for the Celebrity Death Match!

BR: The crowd is super pumped for this …

DG: Ladies and Gentlemen, he’s last year’s Cy Young winner, the ace of the Red Sox rotation and leading to the Red Sox to the playoffs this year. From the Dominican Republic, Pedro Martinez!

BR: And here comes Pedro … He’s got a history with the UWC, and thank god that law suit got settled, eh Rich?

RR: No doubt … LOOK OUT! BILLY BOB WITH A CHAIR! Billy Bob is letting Pedro have it with a chair! OH NO! He’s dragging Pedro backstage … Someone get back there and make sure we don’t have any Deliverance action!

DG: Ladies and Gentlemen, our next competitor is the quarterback of the New England Patriots and one of the most charitable men in our community. From Ohio State University, it’s Drew Bledsoe!

BR: And here comes Drew … he did a great job promoing this show for us. And … LOOK OUT! Dean McGrath from behind! He’s kicking Drew’s pansy ass! He locks on the Cloverleaf and he’s dragging him backstage! Well, there go the Pats Super Bowl dreams.

RR: I thought those evaporated when Bill Parcells left.

BR: Ouch.

Dan Gilbert: Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s bring out our next competitor. He’s the leading scorer for the Boston Celtics, and he’s a former All-Star. Ladies and Gentlemen, Antoine Walker!

BR: The fans hate him here … this is where he plays his home games! Why are they booing?

RR: Probably because the Celtics suck, and he’s got a terrible attitude. But at least he made it into the ring without getting attacked.

DG: And finally, a legend in Boston folklore, a fantastic player whose career has been cut short by injury, but he’s back for one more time … Boston Bruin legend CAM NEELY!

BR: THE ROOF IS BLOWING OFF THIS JOINT! Here comes Cam to deafening cheers … this is incredible …

RR: What’s that in his hand … a HOCKEY STICK?

BR: ‘Toine hops out of the ring and is rushing Neely … CROSS CHECK! Walker is down! He’s trying to get up near the railing … Here’s a charge! That’s two minutes for boarding for Neely! Wow!

RR: Walker is getting pummeled out there … he’s trying to stand up and here’s a slash with the stick! Walker is getting killed!

BR: Neely has pulled Walker’s Celtics jersey over his head! Right hands in lightning succession! Walker is down! One foot over Walker’s chest:

1!
2!
3!

Cam Neely wins!

RR: What an incredible showing by Neely. I almost wish he could go back to the NHL! Hold on … The lights have gone out … what’s going on?

BR: I’m not sure … the lights are back … and it’s DEAD ED! Kick to the gut and here’s a swinging neckbreaker! He picks Neely up and stuffs his head between his legs … he lifts him up into crucifix powerbomb position … wow … the lights have gone out again! What’s going on?

RR: The lights are back … and Neely is out … Walker is out … and Dead Ed is gone …

BR: Let’s take a break. Wow.

Mecca v. Luni

BR: Alright lets get back to the action here. Our next match up is between one of the youngsters in the industry and one of the guys who is definitely a veteran.

RR: Don't get us wrong though Luni may be a youngster but he has been around for awhile now and his opponent Mecca is a long time veteran.

BR: Well it sounds like Luni is on his way out as "I Want Candy" has begun playing over the speakers and the candyman himself has emerged from the back and is on his way to the ring.

RR: NO music is playing as Mecca comes out of the back cus somebody forgot to put an entrance theme on the info sheet, he gets up next to the ring and Luni runs and leaps over the top rope connecting right off the at with a suicide dive...

BR: Luni caught Mecca completely off guard with that one. He grabs Mecca's arm and whips him into the safety rail, he then rolls the much larger Mecca back into the ring and follows in himself…

RR: Mecca gets up at the same time as Luni and connects with a big right hand, but Luni fires one right back at him, they are going back and forth rights and lefts, no Mecca blocks one of Luni's and sends one back that staggers him ...

BR: He whips Luni into the ropes...

RR: Oh my what a clothesline by Mecca, I hate to use this cliche' but I think he about took Luni's head right off.

BR: Luni gets up and Mecca runs him over with another devastating clothesline. Mecca drops a massive elbow down across the chest of Luni.

RR: Mecca gets up and drops another elbow onto Luni. Mecca is trying to rally the crowd behind him but it isn't quite working.

BR: He's wasting time here, its allowing Luni to get back up to his feet, oh man Mecca turned around and caught a dropkick from Luni sending Mecca reeling into the corner...

RR: Luni backs up to get a running start...

BR: OHHHH, he caught Mecca's boot right in the jaw, Luni tumbles to the mat in a heap. Mecca pulls him up and sends him into the ropes.

RR: Wow, what a devastating powerslam from Mecca, he makes a quick cover...

...1

...2

..kickout by Luni!!!

BR: Mecca gets up and complains about a slow count, once again allowing Luni to get back up...

RR: Mecca sees Luni getting up though and gives him a swift kick to the gut doubling him over. He hooks Luni up for a vertical suplex and takes him up...no wait Luni flips out.

BR: Luni hits the ropes and comes off with a spinning heel kick knocking Mecca down.

RR: Mecca is a smart man, he rolled to the floor to keep Luni from being able to capitalize on the move.

BR: This is Luni we are talking about here, what makes you think he just won't.....OH MY LUNI WITH A FRONT FLIP PLANCHA ONTO MECCA ON THE FLOOR!!!!!!

RR: MY LORD BOTH MEN ARE DOWN......

1!
2!
3!
4!
5!
6!

BR: Luni is up and moving around now, he lays a couple boots into Mecca then rolls back into the ring to stop the count, then rolls back out to the floor and continues his assault on Mecca.

RR: Luni rolls Mecca back into the ring and hops up onto the apron. He waits for Mecca to get to his feet, he leaps and nails a springboard DDT on Mecca...the cover

...1!

...2!

...no, Mecca gets a shoulder up.

BR: Luni gets up and runs towards the ropes, he springs off...ASAI MOONSAULT.... NO MECCA MOVED! Luni connects with nothing but canvas.

RR: Both men are up, Luni turns around and catches a swift knee into the midsection. He grabs Luni around the waist and takes him up and back down hard with a gut wrench powerbomb, Mecca makes a cover...

...1

...2

...3 NO! Luni's foot was on the bottom rope.

BR: Mecca once again complains about a slow count as Luni tries to pull himself up by the ropes. Mecca comes up behind Luni and grabsh im in a rear waistlock, Luni nails him with a mule kick and Mecca drops down to his knees in pain!

RR: How did the ref miss that blatant low blow by the candyman?

BR: I don't know, but Luni looks like he is going to take advantage of it, he grabs Mecca around the head and springs off the turnbuckles....TORNADO DDT!!!

RR: Luni sets Mecca up in position with the corner and heads to the top rope, it might be time for a Luni Flip...

BR: The crowd is going nuts as Luni leaps off the top rope, 450 LUNI FLIP!!! The cover...

...1

...2

...3!!!

RR: Luni picks up a big win....


PD INT
BR: Well folks, that was pretty intense, but now we’ve got someone else with something to say. Take it away, Night Stalker!

RR: This is the former president of the ICW, an associate of Revolution Y, and an all around good guy, or so he tells us, Peyton Dowdy!

BR: That’s “only one” by Slipknot, and here he comes, smug and confident as he heads into the ring.

RR: What’s on your mind?

Peyton Dowdy: Well, well, well...like I said last week, the bastard is back, not in black though because too many people say that now and it would just be queer as hell for me to go along with them. Now I noticed that my acceptance of Wyld Chylde's open challenge went unnoticed this week by the executives, so that is why I have come out here this evening. I know you people can't get enough of me so here I am.

BR: Wow this guy is full of himself, he should fit right in here at the UWC.

PD: Alrighty, Dirk Ryan, Foster, McGrath whoever is making the matches around here I want a match up with Wyld Chylde at the next card. That goofy bastard said I unleashed some sort of demon or some shit like that when I accepted his open challenge, but I know the truth about him, he is just one of those crying on the inside clowns. He's a threat to nobody so I figured I might as well take up his challenge and steal myself a win in my in-ring debut here in UWC....

BR: What’s going on … the lights have gone out again … Is Dead Ed going to take Peyton out too? Be careful Night Stalker! The lights are back and … it’s Wyld Chylde! He’s got his wiffle bat! He smacks Dowdy in the face with it! That’s not too painful, just embarassing!

RR: Good to be back here and not in that ring … What’s Wyld have now? Seltzer water? He’s spraying right into the face of Dowdy! Dowdy is getting enraged! He’s chasing Wyld about but Wyld lets loose a barrage of mint Oreo’s and assorted other goodies from his handy trash bag of idiocy!

BR: And Peyton goes down on the floor! He slipped on one of the cookies or something! Wyld is celebrating and dancing in the aisle! Look out behind you! Dean McGrath with a chair! Down goes Wyld! He grabs the wiffle bat … He’s treating him like Rodney King with that flimsy wiffle bat! Oh, the carnage … The FMC has a mic:

FMC: Wyld, on behalf of the entire UWC, SHUT UP!

BR: And the crowd cheers … wow … who knew?

RR: Peyton and Dean look warily at each other as Peyton cleans the cookie crumbs and seltzer water off his clothes and goes to the back … what’s next?

BR: The Tag Title match
Revolution Y v. Jarred Matthews for the Tag Titles

RR: Hold on … what’s this? A moving company is taking all of the chairs around ringside away! What’s this?

BR: This must be a ploy by the Revolution Y to limit some of Matthews’ more explosive moves that utilize a chair!

BR: Well folks … We’ve got another blockbuster here, and this one is for the Tag Team titles. Who’s going to be Jarred Matthews partner? Will anyone step up after Jamal Jameson walked out on him? If not, does he stand a chance against the focused and ready Revolution Y?

RR: Those are all good questions, and there’s only one way to find out … here comes the Revolution Y, Tommy Kain and Damon Damani. Kain looked red hot last week, coming away with the big win and even borrowing one of Matthews’ moves.

BR: They look ready to go. And lets go to the champion, Jarred Matthews. Who’s going to show up as his partner?

RR: The Franchise is coming out alone! No partner, no back up. He’s all alone to fight this war …

BR: This is a remarkable show of courage.

RR: But how can he possibly defend the tag titles without a partner?

BR: Matthews slides into the ring, and eyes his arch rival Tommy Kain across the ring. It’ll be Kain to start and here we go! Collar and elbow … no, just a kick the gut by Tommy. Tag to Damani and they’re going to double team from the get go! Double whip … Double clothesline ducked! He springs to the second rope … Quebrada! A moonsault press takes both men down! Off the far ropes Dropkick takes Kain over the top rope! But a clothesline takes Matthews’ head right off!

RR: The numbers game is just too much against him.

BR: Damani lifts Matthews and here’s a whip to the ropes … a clothesline is ducked and here’s a suicide dive onto Kain on the floor! Where did that come from? Damani is following but Matthews leaps back into the ring. Damani back onto the apron but runs into a shoulder to the gut by Matthews. SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB TO THE FLOOR BY MATTHEWS! Damani is down!

RR: This is incredible! Look out!

BR: Tommy Kain with an axehandle to the back! Kain is letting Matthews have it on the floor!

RR: The numbers game once again!

BR: Kain rams Matthews into the guard rail! Now back into the ring and Kain follows … Damani is still recuperating from the powerbomb.

RR: That was a scintillating move, but it only got one of the Revolution, and now Tommy Kain is in charge of Matthews in the ring.

BR: Here’s a whip into the ropes and he catches him with a belly-to-belly suplex! For the cover:

1!
2!
Matthews is out!

Kain with a quick tag to Damani and here’s the double team … Double whip, double back elbow and Matthews is down.

RR: Matthews can’t compete two-on-one like this. Someone has to come out and help him.

BR: But with the enemies Matthews has made? The fans may like him but not too many in the back can stand him!

RR: Damani is just stomping on Matthews!

BR: Damani picks Matthews up to shoulder high, and here’s a Samoan Drop that takes all the breath out of Matthews.

RR: Another quick tag … they’re good with that.

BR: Kain in and they throw him back into the corner … again … again … and now a corner whip … Damani with an avelanche whips Matthews out into a Kain Huricanrana! For the win:

1!
2!
3
Matthews kicks out!

RR: Wow! I thought that was all!

BR: Matthews is proving that he has what it takes to be a champion …

RR: But can he do it alone?

BR: Kain is signalling for the Tommy Gunn! That’s one of his premiere moves! Here’s the whip, Kain catches him but Matthews dropkicks him! Kain falls out of the ring! Matthews is trying to drag himself up!

RR: Who’s coming out of the back? That’s Peyton Dowdy! He hops onto the apron in Matthews’ corner! Is this a sincere offer for help or a Revolution Y trick?!

BR: Whatever it is, he’s there and Matthews is dragging himself over to the corner …

RR: Hold on! It’s Whiplash! He’s brought his own chair with him since there aren’t any at ringside! He nails Dowdy in the back! Dowdy is down!

BR: Whiplash takes a seat in the aisle, as Damani comes in and lets Matthews have it in the corner.

RR: Matthews was almost there to make the tag! Whiplash just took that chance away from Matthews.

BR: Damani hooks Matthews, and here’s a huge powerbomb! Oh man, Matthews is in bad shape.

RR: And with Whiplash out there, we’re almost guaranteed to have no one come out to help Matthews.

BR: Here’s another tag for Kain, and here he comes … now it’s time for the Tommy Gunn! Damani whips Matthews into Kain … TOMMY GUNN! Matthews staggers back … Bulldog by Damani! Off the ropes and here’s a Leg Drop to the back of the head! Great double team maneuvers!

RR: Don’t look now … it’s THE POODLE! Whiplash doesn’t see him … OH NO! THE POODLE JUST PEED ON WHIPLASH!

BR: Whiplash is infuriated! He takes off after the Poodle and the Poodle has just scampered into the ring! Whiplash follows! The ref follows them! Matthews is out! What’s going on! Kain goes after the ref to make him count the pin … Damani hooks Matthews for the Shock Treatment! OOH … Universal Reversal floors Damani … that low blow will counter just about any move.

RR: Oh my God … Luni is coming out now! He’s got Whiplash’s chair! He’s got something else in his hands as well …He’s on the apron … CHAIR SHOT FOR MATTHEWS!

BR: Has Matthews made enough enemies? Luni has something else … some white powder … but here comes the Poodle and Whiplash and the ref! They all collide into a haze of white powder everywhere! Kain is in the ring … Partycrasher DVD on Matthews! Damani goes on top … but where’s the referee?

RR: On Planet Mofo I think …

BR: Luni’s blinded … I think he thinks Matthews is covering Damani! He’s going to the top rope …Kain in to tell him otherwise … Luni flies off the ropes he and Kain crack heads by accident!

RR: I’m not even sure what he was aiming for … But Luni nailed Kain awkwardly …The referee is coming too … Damani is pinning Matthews ! He’s not counting them ?! Luni has a leg over Kain …

1!
2!
3!

OH MY GOD!!!!!

BR: What’s the decision?

RR: I don’t know … the ref can barely see, that powder is covering his face … The Poodle is wandering off and Whiplash looks very confused … the ref is talking to Dan Gilbert, our ring announcer … He looks as bewildered as we do …

DG: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winners, and STILL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD, The Franchise Jarred Matthews and the Lunatic Ace Custis!

BR: You’ve got to be kidding me! How? Luni was there to hurt Matthews … and he knocks himself out on Tommy Kain, who’s not even legal … hell, Luni isn’t even in the match!

RR: Damani is protesting, Matthews is celebrating and Kain and Luni are still out … they both hit hard when Luni flew off the top rope with as many flips as he could …

BR: Well, we’re going to have an awards ceremony at the end of the card, so I guess Matthews and Luni will be getting their tag title belts at the end.

FINISH ME!

Sean Shanoski v. Dead Ed

BR: Look! Shanoski has come out … He’s gotten in the ring … he’s got a mic!

Shanoski: That’s it … no more games … Dead Ed, get your ass out here right now!

BR: Oh my … The lights are out … this is how it’s going to start … the lights are back … IT’S DEAD ED! He attacks Shanoski from behind! Here’s a whip and a clothesline ducked by Shanoski … off the far ropes and Shanoski sends Ed for a flip!

RR: This is what we wanted to see …

BR: Shanoski lifts Ed in a gorilla press … he drops him down in the Widow Maker! Ed is out cold … He pins him …

1!
2!
3!

Shanoski pulls him up! He grabs the mask! It’s coming off … it’s … it’s …



CHAD FOSTER !

RR: Chad Foster is Dead Ed ? It can’t be right … this is wrong …

BR: Shanoski has backed up … confused … the ref has a mic for Chad …

CF: It’s me Sean! It’s me! It’s always been me!

BR: Shanoski just grabs Foster by the neck … Look out Rich … you know what’s coming up … AGENT ORANGE THROUGH THE TABLE!

RR: But the lights have gone out again! Look! There’s that Red Cross! It looks demonic! Dead Ed has been using that as his symbol … There’s the funeral dirge … Here comes the casket … FOSTER WAS A RED HERRING! THIS IS THE REAL DEAD ED!

BR: The casket is being pushed out by the Widow … Shanoski is waiting with baited breath for the casket to open. The Widow has left the casket … the lights haven’t fully come on yet. Shanoski is waiting … Foster is starting to get up …

RR: Look the Widow has slid into the ring behind Shanoski! LOW BLOW! She rips the veil off …

IT’S BRITTANY!

BR: OH MY GOD! Then … Dead Ed is …

BR: The casket has flown open … Dead Ed is up and into the ring! He nails a swinging neckbreaker! Shanoski is down! Dead Ed stands over him …he stuffs Shanoski’s head between his legs … he lifts him up … Crucifix powerbomb position… all the way up … he swings him forward and down! CRUCIFIX DRIVER!

RR: That’s not just that … that’s the WRATH OF GOD!

BR: Ed with the sign of the cross over Shanoski’s prone body … Foster in to count:

1!
2!
3!

RR: Was that necessary …

BR: Ed is taking off the mask … it’s … it’s … it’s

TOM COLLINS!

RR: TOM COLLINS ? OH MY GOD!!!!

BR: THIS IS INCREDIBLE!

RR: Shanoski is out … Foster, Brittany and Collins are all leaving and celebrating … wow!

BR: DEAD ED IS TOM COLLINS.

RR: Foster pulls another one over everyone in the UWC …

BR: Shanoski is pissed off … you know someone is going to sign Collins v. Shanoski for next week.

RR: Let’s take a break.

Wallace v. Ragnarok v. Briceland v. Fang

BR: Well, I am gonna go catch my breath after that, so we're gonna let my good friend, Dean McGrath, handle the commentary for this next match.

RR: "The Sound of Free Speech" is played through the arena, and the fans don't recognize who is coming out until tha F.M.C. walks through the curtain. The fans are chanting "F.M.C.", or maybe it's "Hibiki", or maybe "1-2-3!"...anyways, Dean comes out. Bobby passes him with a quick high five, which Dean smoothly raises his hand and avoids Ramirez. He walks to the commentators booth, puts his head set on, and gets ready to do some commentating takedown on the four way combatants.

FMC: Hello there! Rich, it's amazing to be doing commentating with you on Beyond Reason!

RR: Yes Dean, I agr--

FMC: Don't touch me, let's get on with the match!

RR: "All Over You" by Live begins to play as Wyatt Wallace and his accomplice, Lisa, walk to ringside. Wallace looks towards Dean, McGrath nodding in respect, as he enters the ring, the crowd giving him a healthy boo, as his music begins to fade slowly.

FMC: I like this guy. Take no sheeet, give me the belt, I am better than everyone kinda guy. Good stuff.

RR: I guess...

FMC: A howl then confuses the arena as David Briceland comes running out, "When Worlds Collide" by PM5K blasts through the speakers. David enters the ring, keeping in a separate corner from Wyatt, as his music fades. That is quickly replaced by "lost boy" from Total Chaos. Fang walks out with Violet, Fang totally confused and disoriented. They make there way towards the ring, the arena giving Fang a good sized pop, the best of the match thus far.

FMC: Oh my God...Fang is sporting a Total Chaos song for his entrance! That guy's got nerve! I think Total Chaos dropped off the face of this earth!

RR: Dean, you sweat the details.

FMC: Don't touch me, I said.

RR: The arena then fills with "Ragnarok" by GWAR, as they all await Gabby. The song plays halfway through, and we're still sweating his appearance.

RR: Hmm...Where is he?

FMC: Who knows.

RR: His song finally dies out, as the ref has the announcer call him again. Still, after multiple moments, no Ragnarok. The bell sounds, and we have to settle for three at this point.

FMC: Oh well, the UWC must proceed!

RR: I agree. The bell has rung and the three competitors are circling each other.

FMC: Yeah, and I think we should let everybody know out there that this is an elimination style match, meaning these men must all be eliminated, the last man standing wins.

RR: Fang is going to Briceland to shake hands, what a show of sportsmanship.

FMC: That's weakmanship. Check out Wallace behind the two...

RR: Oh!!! Wallace hits Fang and Dave's head together, as the two fall to the mat. Wyatt now stomping on Briceland's head, as he sweeps him under the rope to work on Fang.

FMC: I don't think he needed to do that to work on Fang. He drags him up and plants him down with a body slam.

RR: Briceland returning to the ring, he perches himself on the top rope. Wyatt turns around to get a missile dropkick! The cover!

FMC: Fang with a leg drop over David's head. I wonder why he did that, I know there's no friends in a title hunt, but why prevent a pin? Fang's a bit slow, ain't he?

RR: He may be, but he's smart in weakening both opponents. Fang measures David and hits a European uppercut, knocking him into the corner. Fang with a few heavy knee lifts.

FMC: Wallace comes running in with a dropkick of his own on the back of Fang's knee, caving his leg in, as Fang crumbles to the mat. Wallace begins stomping on Fang's knee, as Briceland gets up.

RR: He's coming up behind Wallace, he taps him on the back, as Wallace turns, Briceland hooks him in for the "triumph!"

FMC: But Wallace hooks onto the ropes, causing Briceland to fall back and look like a putz. Fang is still rolling around on the mat like a crybaby. Oh look now, Violet pulls him to the outside to help him out.

RR: Does that leave us with two guys, now?

FMC: I guess, since Gabby decided to disappear and now Fang is banged up. Wallace is laughing as he uses the ropes for leverage and grinds his boots into Briceland's neck.

RR: He's dragging him up now, as he whips him to the far corner, running in with a clothesline attempt. Briceland pulls himself to the top turnbuckle, leaping off and landing a sunset flip on the charging Wallace!!!

1!
2!
3
NOOO!!

RR: What a close fall!

FMC: Wyatt is getting up quickly, as is Briceland. David grinds in a headlock, as Wyatt whips him to the ropes, ducks a clothesline, jumps a leap frog, swings at Briceland as he is coming back with his own clothesline attempt, then David is tripped up by Fang on the outside.

RR: Fang is whispering into Briceland's ear! What the hell could be saying!? Slowly, the two re-enter the ring, as Wallace backs up into a corner!

FMC: Look at this! Wyatt runs full force at Fang and Briceland! What a sport!

RR: Briceland ducks a swinging Wyatt, as he encounters Fang who hits the BREAKING POINT! Wallace's back is arched in pain as Fang hooks the leg!

1!
2!
3iiiiiiiiiiNOOOOOO!

FMC: Now Briceland has taken Fang away from victory. For having a strategy, these two are sure confused on getting a man eliminated.

RR: Fang stands up and now the two men are having words! Briceland with a push! Fang with a push!

FMC: WALLACE WITH TWO LOW BLOWS!

RR: Fang and Briceland go down in heaps! Wyatt covers Briceland...

1!
2!

FMC: Fang pushes Wyatt off. What the hell is going on here? he drags Wyatt to the middle of the canvas. Fang is climbing to the top, this seems risky!

RR: Ohhhh!!! Fang with a miscalculated frog splash attempt on Wallace! Wallace gets up slowly, as Briceland does as well. The two stagger towards each other, Wyatt hooking in a quick belly-to-belly suplex and snapping Briceland over! David's boot connects with Fang's face!

FMC: Fang is pissed! He picks Wallace off of Briceland and takes Wyatt to a standing position!

RR: Here comes Fang with a spinning heel kick!! OOOHHH!!!

FMC: Fang just connected with Briceland when Wyatt ducked!! WALLACE ROLLS UP A STUNNED BRICELAND!!!

1!
2!
3!!!!!!

RR: The ref calls for the bell! David Briceland has been eliminated!

FMC: Yeah, but Wallace has gone outside the ring thinking he won the match and possibly the US title. Wallace is now arguing with the time keeper with Fang hovering right behind him!

RR: Fang twists him around and socks it to Wyatt, LITERALLY! Wallace goes flying over the guard rail, into the crowd! Fang, not known for a violent nature, folds up a chair, raises it up and...

FMC: CARDINAL MISTAKE! Wallace with a kick to Fang's face with the chair being the object that broke the foot's fall. Fang is dazed and down. Lisa with a cheap shot on the fallen Fang! Here comes Violet!

RR: The crowd is rising up, HERE COMES THE CAT FIGHT!!! Wait no! Who’s that!?

FMC: From the sound of "Ragnarok" over the speakers, it looks like and sounds like Gabby! What the fuck!?

RR: Yeah, exactly. Is he dressed up as a Viking? He’s got some bizarre midieval outfit on and … my word … he has his sword with him!!!

FMC: A VIKING!? WHAT THE FUCK!? He's charging at Violet and Lisa!

RR: Fang won't have it, he grabs Violent and moves her to safety! What a gentlemen, he also maneuvers Lisa to safety!

FMC: Yeah, but Ragnarok just cold cocked Fang with the handle of that sword! Dumb Fang, he should have hit the showers early!

RR: The ref rolls under the ropes and encounters Gabby! He's yelling in his face, not scared by the sword at all!

FMC: Gabby just took a swing! The ref ducks!! Holy shit! We've got security and Boston's finest coming in for this!!

RR: A crowd of policemen have surrounded this lunatic! He's swinging like a mad man! Look at that!

FMC: Damn, that cop just shocked his ass with a tazer gun! Gabby is still standing tall carring a big fucking sword! Another cop with a tazer! Another! Gabby is getting shocked more than that poor monkey in that Peter Gabriel song …

RR: Oh the irony …

FMC: Gabby falls to his feet and is apprehended. The 5-0's are dragging him back with the crowd cheering in support!

RR: My God, what was the point of THAT!? I hope he doesn’t run into Luni or Freeman in jail! Fang is out cold on the floor, Wallace is inside the ring gaining his consciousness back all the way.

FMC: Yeah, but he's noticing what happened to Fang now. Now he's got Fang's dead carcass and has thrown him back inside.

RR: He is seating Fang on the tope turnbuckle, maybe waiting to revitalize his opponent and have a fair match?

FMC: NOT FROM THE LOOKS OF THAT! Wallace just planted Fang from the second
rope with a crazy version of his Blinded with Science facebuster!!! the ref moves into position!!

1!!!!

2!!!!

3!!!!!

---NOOOOO!!!

RR: Fang just kicked out!!! HOW IN THE HELL!!???

FMC: But Wallace isn't done! He is now helping the groggy Fang to his feet.

RR: Wallace takes Fang's face and plants it into the mat once more! He
covers, could this be enough!!!???!!?


1!

2!!!!!!!!


3!!!!!!

FMC: Well, Fang is a tough competitor, but that was just too much. Wyatt
Wallace with an outstanding victory.

RR: That was pure brutality, but we need to find out what happened and why Gabby
has snapped!!

For the UWC WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD
#1 contender Shane Erikson takes on UWC US Champion Axel Reed

BR: Well folks, let’s find out who’s going to be the man here in the UWC. Marcus Payne abdicated the world title when he “lost his smile,” and as a result, we’re pitting the top two contenders for the World Championship against each other to determine the Champ.

RR: Have you checked out Shane Erikson’s Showstoppers tape? It’s fantastic.

BR: I know. I have my own copy. But here comes the competitors … To Monster Magnet’s “Face Down,” here is your Idol, Night Stalker, the UWC United States Champion, Axel Reed!

RR: And if he wins tonight, it means that Wyatt Wallace is our new US champion.

BR: Ah, but if this next competitor wins, Wyatt Wallace will have to prove his worth against Reed to wrest the title away. And here he comes, the former UWC World Heavyweight Champion, Shane “The Equalizer” Erikson!

RR: Both men look focused. Both men look mean and ready to go.

BR: Collar and elbow tieup, and there’s nothing doing. Both men circle each other again, and here we go again … Reed with a side headlock, and he takes Erikson over. Erikson with the headscissors but Reed kicks up and onto his feet. Shane back up, stalemate.

RR: Both these guys are incredibly technically skilled, but they also aren’t afraid to mix it up.

BR: Erikson and Reed circle each other again, and here’s a single leg by Reed for a quick pin. Shane kicks out before a count and here’s a arm drag for Reed’s pleasure. Shane charges but Reed goes behind. Full Nelson but Shane slides down and hooks his legs around Reed’s waist. Reed lifts him up into a wheel barrow but Shane hooks a side headlock. Reed pushes him off and lands a drop toehold. Off the ropes Reed misses an elbow drop. Shane tries one but misses as well both try and drop kick and miss. Stare down, and the crowd hollers in approval!

RR: Wow. What an exchange.

BR: Reed and Erikson circle each other again, looking for an opportunity. Erikson kicks the gut. He pushes Reed back and here’s a whip into the rope, but a clothesline misses. Off the far ropes Reed takes flight with a flying forearm but Erikson drops down and Reed crashes behind him. Erikson up, hooks him for a DDT but Reed lifts him up, pirouettes and both men tumble out to the floor!

RR: This is a clinic!

BR: Both men with fists of fire and they are trading right hands on the floor! Reed rakes the eyes and here’s a whip into the guard rail! Reed follows and Erikson back drops him into the crowd! Erikson follows and we have a wild brawl going on!

RR: Well, first a scientific wrestling clinic, and now a brawl!

BR: Reed dumps Erikson back over the rail and now is choking Erikson with some cable! Erikson elbows Reed and sends him crashing into the ring post!

RR: I hope Reed’s okay after that!

BR: Erikson dumps Reed back into the ring … swinging neckbreaker and Reed is down. For the quick win:

1!

2!

Reed is out!

RR: It’ll take more than that …

BR: Erikson off the ropes and he nails Reed with a boot to the face. He lifts him up and here’s a whip into the ropes … Erikson catches him with a backbreaker! Quick legdrop! Another! Erikson quickly up to the second rope in the corner … Elbow drop! Reed for the cover:

1!
2!
Reed is up.

RR: Good series of moves there by Shane.

BR: Erikson hooks Reed for a side Russian Legsweep, but Reed hooks the top rope … Shane goes down by himself! He rolls through, and ducks a Reed clothesline! Shane with one of his own misses, kick to the gut by Reed is caught … Enzuigiri misses! Erikson with the legs hooks and gets a Syxx Shooter!

RR: He’s got him … but they’re too close to the ropes.

BR: Reed has the bottom rope and Erikson has to break. Reed rakes the eyes getting up. Here’s the whip to the corner, no it’s reversed. Erikson charges, but runs into a Reed back elbow … Shane staggered, Reed goes behind and hooks Erikson … but here’s a back elbow! Another! Another but Reed ducks and Erikson spins around … inverted atomic drop! OVER HEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY!

RR: Erikson bounced on his head on that one! But it took a lot out of Reed too.

BR: Reed is slow to capitalize, giving Erikson a chance to recuperate. Here comes Reed and here’s a stomp to the back of the head. He lifts Erikson and here’s a whip into the ropes … kick to the gut, and a running knee lift takes Erikson down. Off the ropes and a huge legdrop. For the cover:

1!

2!

Shane is up.

RR: Reed’s slowing it down a bit.

BR: Reed is content to just stomp on Erikson for right now. He picks him up, front facelock and here’s a lift up into a vertical suplex … and he drives him down. Floatover:

1!

2!

Erikson kicks out.
RR: Reed is going for a lot of pinfalls tonight!

BR: Reed lifts Erikson up and stuffs his head between his legs. Waistlock and a lift, but Shane is fighting it … back body drop by Erikson. The US champion is down, but he’s getting up … running clothesline attempt by Shane and Reed drops down and Shane goes through the ropes! Reed to the top rope … He leaps but Erikson bails! Reed goes throat first into the guard rail! He’s reeling … Erikson hooks him … THE END ON THE FLOOR!

RR: That could be all right there … oh wow.

BR: Erikson is recovering a bit … but Reed is out … after a reverse DDT on the floor, wouldn’t you be?

RR: Erikson is winded, but he throws Reed back into the ring. Erikson in and for the cover:

1!

2!

3

REED ESCAPES! OH MY GOD!

BR: You’re right, that should have put Reed out, but Erikson is not worried at all. He lifts Reed up and hooks on a front facelock … He lifts up but Reed fights it … NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX BY REED:

1!

2!

3

Erikson escapes!

Erikson up first and here’s a clothesline that Reed ducks … go behind, GERMAN SUPLEX!

1!

2!

3

RR: NO! That was how Reed won the US title, but it won’t win him the World title!

BR: Reed hooks a front facelock … DDT? NO! Erikson lifts him up and puts him on the top rope … Reed with elbows to the back of Erikson’s head! He rehooks and leaps off … Tornado DDT! For the UWC World Title:

1!

2!

3

Erikson escapes again! This guy is indestructible!

RR: Reed is frustrated… He makes the signal for the Destruction Driver! IF he hits that, it’s all over for Shane!

BR: Reed lifts him up but Shane slides over the back … he hooks Reed in a torture rack ? NO! INVERTED DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!

RR: That’s what put Reed down last week! Reed is out cold … but Erikson is still recuperating from some of the abuse he’s been taking … if he can get to Reed, he can end it all right now! He throws an arm over …

1!

2!

3

Reed kicks out!

BR: That split second delay saved him. But Reed is hurt … can Erikson capitalize?

RR: I don’t know … they’ve been hitting each other with huge moves …

BR: Erikson stuffs Reed’s head between his legs … POWERBOMB! He rolls through for the pin:

1!

2!

Reed bridges out … he turns things around and now he’s got Erikson in a waist lock! He lifts him up for a piledriver but Shane back drops him but Reed goes for a sunset flip … Shane blocks it and drops down!

1!

2!

3

Reed rolls Erikson through now Shane’s shoulders are down!

1!

2!

3

Shane rolls backwards and out and now leans in on Reed’s legs for the pin:

1!

2!

3

Reed tucks Shane’s head in and flips him back into the sunset flip:

1!

2!

3

Shane escapes! Right hand reversed into a backslide by Reed!

1!

2!

3

Shane escapes … small package by Erikson!

1!

2!

3

Reed escapes! Both men up and Reed gets a kick to the gut! He stuffs Erikson’s head between his legs and hooks a waist lock … he lifts him up but Shane flips out … He’s got him hooked for the Revenge but Reed blocks by lifting him up in the air … he’s going for a Northern Lights with only one hand! He stumbles and Erikson spikes him down! THE REVENGE! Erikson for the cover:

1!


2!

3!

RR: NO!!! REED’S FOOT IS ON THE ROPES! The ref is trying to explain it to Erikson! Erikson thinks he won!

BR: Reed while trying to block the revenge positioned himself close to the ropes just in case he wasn’t successful …

RR: Erikson is livid … he goes to pick up Reed … SMALL PACKAGE!

1!


2!



3

ERIKSON ESCAPES! OH MY GOD!

BR: Erikson up first and here’s a right hand that misses … he’s caught! CRADLE DDT by Reed! And Reed’s going to the top rope … SPLIT LEGGED MOONSAULT! FOR THE TITLE:

1!


2!



3!

RR: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Erikson kicked out! Reed can’t believe it!

BR: This is absolutely insane. Reed pulls Erikson but a rake of the eyes by Shane drops Reed to a knee …both men getting to their feet … they charge each other and here’s a double clothesline that takes both men off of their feet! Both men’s shoulders are down!

1!


2!



3

They both barely get a shoulder up!

RR: OH MY GOD!!!!

BR: Who wants it more? Whoever does will win this contest ….

RR: Erikson is getting to his feet first … He stands over the fallen Reed … he lifts him up … front facelock … Reed drops down and nails a low blow!

BR: Erikson bent over … SMALL PACKAGE!

1!

2!

3

Erikson has Reed’s shoulders down!

1!


2!


3

Reed up! Reed with a clothesline but Shane ducks … Shane with one but Reed ducks … Reed has him … DESTRUCTION DRIVER, HARDWAY!

1!


2!





3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


REED WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RR: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BR: AXEL REED IS THE NEW UWC WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!!

RR: Oh wow … let’s take a break to catch out breath and Dirk Ryan, Chad Foster and Dean McGrath will present the awards and the title belts.


BR: Well folks our triumvirate of execs are in the ring, ready to present the title belts.

Chad Foster: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a special treat for you … Now we are going to hand out the title belts tonight in a special ceremony. Please come down to the ring, Axel Reed, Wyatt Wallace, and … is this right? Jarred Matthews and Luni!

RR: And here they come, The new World Champion, the new US Champion, and, well, the new and old tag team champions …

BR: Reed, Wallace, Matthews and Luni all get in the ring.

CF: Now, Melissa, if you can bring the belts to the ring …

BR: Hold on, Dean McGrath has just grabbed the mic from Foster … he’s got something to say while Melissa brings the titles to the ring.

Dean McGrath: Wow, what a match. Axel, it looks like you were right, you won the match, and now you're world champ.

BR: Axel is giving a look of "I told you so" to the Deaner!

Dean McGrath: BIG-FUCKIN'-DEAL. Axel, before you won that, you weren't sheeet, when you won that, you weren't sheeet, and now that you've won it, you still ain't sheeet. You beat Erikson for cryin' out loud!!!

BR: Shane Erikson looks back at Dean from the aisleway… he’s not amused …

Dean McGrath: Yeah Shane, you heard me right. Payne killed you the other week, JD Freeman nearly crippled you, and now Reed just took you to the trash! As far as I'm concerned, you're all nobodies!!!

BR: Melissa has appeared from the back, but sans any title belts!

CF: Hold on Reed … what’s going on Melissa? Where’s the title belts?

Melissa: Chad, someone stole the belts. They’re gone.

DR: What do you mean they’re gone?

Melissa: They’re gone!

BR: Hold on … the lights have gone out … what does this mean?

RR: I don’t know … we’ve found out who Dead Ed is so I thought this would all be over with …

BR: We’re back … All 7 men are out! Who’s standing in the middle draped in all the gold …

RR: IT’S MARCUS PAYNE!!!!!!!

BR: We’re out of time! See you next week back at Paul Revere!